All of my lovelies have been asking about Denver and how the new job is going. Everything is great, and I will post in more detail about it later, but this post has been rolling around in my head for like two months, so here we go.

In Cincinnati, I stayed in the ‘burbs. I hated getting anywhere near the downtown area. Too much traffic, the streets were all fucked up (one way this way, one way that way, blah blah blah), and it was not the safest place to be after dark. To all of this, I attribute my interaction, or lack there of, with the city’s homeless population. I lived in an affluent suburb for years and just kind of forgot that they were there (terrible, I know).

Even when you went downtown, odds are you weren’t going to see many, if any, homeless people. Cincinnati blamed its declining downtown economy on the panhandling of the homeless. The city council said it scared off all the shoppers and they passed an anti-panhandling law that essentially rousted all of the homeless out of downtown.

So then I get to Denver. I rented my apartment via the Internets after checking with the police to make sure it was a safe area. There’s an entire post about how I won’t be renewing my lease at this place, but it has nothing to do with the neighborhood, which is fairly close to downtown. Denver is a much bigger city, so I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was truly surprised when I saw the sheer volume of homeless people panhandling at the bottom of highway offramps (I guess those are good locations).

Other than the volume, I noticed something quite unique about the Denver homeless population: they are way more creative than I have ever witnessed.  Anywhere I’ve ever seen a homeless person with a cardboard sign, the message has been something along these lines: “Need help. God Bless.” They might toss in a reference to veteran status, but that was about it.

That is apparently not how the Denver homeless roll. These are the signs I have personally seen a homeless person use here in Denver:

• I won’t lie, I need beer money
• I fought for your freedom. I will take repayment in small bills.
• Help a dude out! I need cigs and a burger (sign held by a man I would swear was Santa)
• Single Dad, Just Lost Job, I Need To Feed My Kids (This man was dressed like he just stepped from the cover of GQ. Full three-piece suit, hair done, nice shoes, and he was fiiiiiiiiiiiiine!)

And my personal favorite:

• Obama Wants Change. I Need Some Change $$$

Are these creative homeless folks unique to Denver? I’ve never seen anything like it. Is the creativity a result of how hard it is to get people to open up the ol’ wallet and help, or are they just a different breed?

I have no idea, obviously. I wish I could help them all, but I can’t. So, I’ll do what I can and continue to enjoy their signage.