Archive for » November, 2008 «

25
Nov
I Do Not Heart Thanksgiving
Kelly

I hate Thanksgiving. Truly. It’s such a faux holiday. Plus, it’s quite possibly the most gluttonous holiday there is. Easter and Halloween cannot even begin to compare with all the complex carbohydrates that are features for this day. In addition, there’s the whole annihilation of Native Americans back story that makes me ill.

Although, I do have things to be thankful for this year. My cousin that lives in Las Vegas is in town. We are having some girl time tomorrow. Then we are going to have the big feast at our grandmother’s. I don’t have much family, so this is quite a big deal to me.

So, tell me about your love/hate of this holiday and what your plans are.

Category: Holidays, Seasons, and Other Festive Nonsense  3 Comments
17
Nov
Random Monday Anger
Kelly
  • Kristen, the PAYCHEX customer service rep from Hell, that works in the COBRA department and can be reached at 800-472-0072 – I hate you. I don’t hate many people, but I hate you. Fucking cunt. That’s right! You.Are.A.Cunt. A gigantic, apathy-filled, totally not at all helpful, waste of fucking space. I hope you get the clap. Repeatedly.
  • Monday morning, time to apply to all the new jobs posted over the weekend! Wait a minute…hmm, there weren’t any jobs posted over the weekend…But that’s OK! I have my whole $293 a week from unemployment!
  • While we’re talking about you, Unemployment, thanks for “pausing” my fucking claim for no fucking reason!!!! Does a retard named Kristen work for you by any chance? Really it’s OK. I had way too much of all that shelter and food anyway.
Category: The Flaming Tantrum of Death, Wicked Bitch of the Midwest  3 Comments
09
Nov
Not Sure What I Think
Kelly

So, generally, when something is all hyped and people get all crazy-like over it, I tend to stay away. I didn’t read any of the Harry Potters until book 5 was getting ready to be released. It’s like, if that many people like it, it cannot truly be any good. On average, most people are sheep, and so I guess I attribute the popularity to the Sheep Effect.

Despite my sister having read the entire Twilight Saga, I was keeping my distance. There was so much fuss, I backed away slowly and swore never to pick up a copy.

And then I got laid off and I am so bored, and I read this truly scathing review of Twilight on Amazon.com. This woman just took the book and reduced it to hamster cage shavings. Somehow, her extreme dislike of the book made me want to read it. I know it’s weird, but what about me isn’t? So I read it.

I kept waiting with that novel. I was waiting mostly to hit the part that turned the fans of this book into fans, but I felt like I never did. If you examine the plot, well there really isn’t a plot, and what semblence of a plot that there is is not that extraordinary. Meyer, the author, broke some vampire conventions in her writing. I am OK with the sunlight thing, not OK with the apparent non-need to invite a vampire into your dwelling (seriously, you just don’t cross that line).

So what am I missing? Explain it to me because I want to know. I just have lukewarm feelings about this novel. If you have read it and loved it, tell me why.

Category: Entertainment for $200, Alex  4 Comments
04
Nov
Welcome Mr. President
Kelly

We’ve been waiting for you.

Category: A Little Left Wingy  3 Comments
04
Nov
Alright, Bring On The Election Night Coverage
Kelly

I am armed with liquor and the remote. Bring it on!

Category: A Little Left Wingy  One Comment
03
Nov
I Think I May Be Sick
Kelly

You know how in high school there was always that one person that no matter how badly you felt about yourself, you could allow yourself to take pleasure in the fact that “at least I am not NAME.” You didn’t mean to be mean or to use this particular person as a dweebdom measuring stick, they just made it sooooo easy to do. Case in point, when I was in high school there was this girl, we’ll call her Jane. Jane was the epitome of lameness. Her clothes didn’t match, she had the worst case of acne I had ever seen, she always looked like she needed a shower, she wore big ole thick glasses…she couldn’t even walk like a normal human. She has this weird floaty run thing going on. I can’t even decribe it.

No matter how badly I felt about being made fun of for my weight, I could take comfort, on some level, that at least I wasn’t Jane.

Fast forwarded to three days ago. I am wondering around my apartment feeling quite losery. I have no job, no prospects even, no money…I was not in my shiny happy place. So, I am sitting here in my computer chair, staring off into space, when I receive a Facebook notification (Facebook is my new home. I am having all my mail routed there. It’s ridiculous how much time I spend on Facebook. I’m on Facebook as I am typing this post!). It’s from my high school best friend, recommending I add Jane Lastname to my friends list.

I am sitting there with the invite thing on my screen thinking, “Jane Lastname…Jane Lastname…I don’t know anyone named Jane Lastname. The only Jane I have ever known was…” And just like something out of a TV show, the lightbulb went off over my head and I grabbed my monitor and released a series of “nonononononos.” It couldn’t be that Jane. That Jane had a different last name. Which means high school best friend recommended some stranger, or the googley mess of a human being that I hadn’t thought about in years but at one time used to subconsciously boost my self-esteem, had gotten married. Before me. BEFORE ME.

I accepted the friend request in the hopes of proving high school best friend has recommended a stranger, but no. It was that Jane. And she is apparently still a googley mess, but with a husband. A husband!!

Couldn’t the Fates have waited until I found a job to drop this bit of nastiness in my lap?

Category: About a Girl, Wicked Bitch of the Midwest  One Comment