I meant to blog this over the weekend, but there was just no time. Saturday morning was my big waxing/massage appointment. I asked that they do the waxing before the massage, because the other way around would kind of defeat the relaxation process.
I arrived at the salon promptly at 10:00. The place was really posh, but without anyone being snooty or pretentious. Major points for them. The place smelled like heaven. Normally, a lot of different scents give me a headache, but these were all soft scents without the icky heaviness of perfume.
My “sculpting artist” was ready for me as soon as I arrived. She was totally sweet. She was the tiniest little thing. Maybe 5’0 tall. I told her I had never had anything waxed before, and that I was sorta nervous. She was really nice and said not to worry, that she would take care of everything. I got to lie on this really soft, cushiony table while she planned her attack on the wild jungle that were my eyebrows. I was so nervous when she put that first little strip on and I knew she was getting ready to yank it off. I was ready for mind-splitting pain, but it just stung a little. It was totally no big deal. Having my ears pierced hurt worse than the waxing.
When she was all finished with me, she went to see if my masseuse was ready for me, and she was. The masseuse was really sweet. Also tiny, but not in a short way. She was about 5’8 and weighed maybe 90 pounds. I felt like throwing up a little when I saw her. I told her I was really self-conscious and that I had never had a massage before. She was really reassuring, too. She left the room so I could undress. I had decided I would wear my bathing suit because naked was not an option. No way was I doing naked.
I was lying on my stomach when she came back in. She dimmed the lights all the way down to nearly off. There was a candle burning and some soft, new-agey music playing. She started with my feet and I was in heaven. HEAVEN. She used this stuff on me that smelled like a meadow. And when she started rubbing my back…oh. my. goddess. I wouldn’t have cared if I was butt-ass naked and on parade at that moment. She worked all the tension from my shoulders and neck. It was absolutely amazing.
I will definitely be treating myself to a massagy treat once a month.
Last week was my work anniversary. Big deal, right? Usually, work anniversaries around here go unnoticed (except for the notation on the company calendar). I was totally stunned when on my desk appeared a vase full of the most beautiful green sunflowers (sooooooo pretty) and a tiny gold box. Inside the box was a gift card to a shi-shi day spa for an hour long massage. Can you believe it?? I was totally stunned.
I have wanted to have a massage for years. Years. But I never go because I am so self-conscious about my weight and taking off the clothes and people rubbing my fat places. *Shudders*
But, this Saturday at 10:00AM, I will be using that gift card and having my massage. I am also going to treat myself to an eye brow waxing. Now, if I can just keep myself from chickening out about the massage…
When I was in high school, I had two really close friends. We’ll call one Sally and the other Willa. Sally and I lived about 3 blocks from each other, so we would walk home from school together, do homework, then talk on the phone for hours. It was all very typical girly friend stuff. Sally and I had similar home lives, we were less popular because we were both overweight, we had a lot in common.
Then Sally went on a diet after one of the boys in our class told her she’d be “hot” if she lost 50 pounds. I attempted to diet with her, but I was struggling with an undiagnosed eating disorder. I would swing wildly between bingeing and starving myself. I was like a yo-yo. Sally was quite successful in her weight loss efforts. She was a homely girl, I always thought, but her body was new and improved and the boys loved her.
She managed to snag one of the most lusted after boys in our church youth group. Soon they were going steady and I was minus one friend. Not because the boyfriend was occupying all her time, but because she decided to ditch me because of my weight. The skinny girls welcomed her into their inner sanctum with much fanfare. But to be one of them, she had to ditch her fat friend. As if that weren’t enough, she proceeded to make the remaining high school years a living hell for me. She tormented me at every turn, until finally we couldn’t stand to be in the same room together.
I truly adored her at one point, but whatever affection I felt for Sally quickly disintegrated into a hatred I reserved for baby killers and those who didn’t luuuuuuuuuuuuv Jesus (this was during my holy roller phase). When presented with an opportunity to destroy Sally, I took it. All those Biblical lessons flew right out of my teenage head, and I took aim and fired a metaphorical bullet that would destroy her.
more…
I don’t know what I did, but I pulled a muscle or something that is connected to my left butt cheek. This is making sitting quite difficult, hence the crickets in these here parts. It started over the weekend and is still here. I keep trying to think of what ass-straining activity I could have done (definitely nothing fun, *wink wink*) and nothing comes to mind. I didn’t lift anything weirdly, no odd stretches…nada. Yet still, the pain persists.
Why is it always me that gets the weird ailments? Like a sinus infection that turns into pneumonia in half a day? Or like the time I needed stitches for what started out as a teeny, tiny burn on my arm? Now, I have apparently sprained my ass and I don’t even know what I did. And it’s bruised. It’s not like I don’t keep track of my ass. I usually know where it is. Usually.