I am moving today!! I am super excited. I will be without internet access until Monday (unless I get desperate and take my work laptop to a WiFi spot).

Have a happy Thanksgiving and I will be back in a few days!

After seeing a therapist for over 4 years, I finally managed to work up the courage to ask my dad to have “the talk.” Not that talk! I’m 30 for Christ’s sake. As an aside, though, no one ever had that “talk” with me. My mom bought me a book. She bought me a book for everything. I even had a copy of “Heather Has Two Mommies,” but I have no idea why.

Anyway, “the talk” I want to have is about my parents’ divorce. I heard my mom’s side of things a lot. But after the age of five, I didn’t even see my dad. I didn’t see him again until I was 18 and he showed up for my high school graduation. As is natural, I have many questions. I had to ask him via email, I am such a chicken.

I said…

Also, I’d like for just you and I to get together. We missed a lot of years together and there is still some getting to know each other that we need to do. At some point, I would like to talk about you and mom, too. I hope that doesn’t freak you out, but I have questions about what happened. I heard mom’s side of things all of my life, and now I want to hear yours. I also have basic questions, like how did the two of you meet, that only you can answer for me now. I know that there are many hard feelings there for you with regards to mom, and I know that any conversation about the past won’t be easy for either of us. I need to know certain things, though. I’m a big girl and can handle whatever the answers might be.

It took him forever, but he finally replied.

I made myself a promise a long time ago that I would never talk bad about your mother to you. I, in fact, rarely talk to anyone about her because it was such a bad time in my life. The things I have to say you would either not believe, or they would hurt you. Even the story of how we met and got married is not good. So, having said all that, I’ll tell you what you want to know, but I sincerely question whether this is in your best interest or not. If you have good memories of your mother, why spoil them? Again, I leave that up to you, and you’ll have to decide if your need to know outweighs the negativity that you would hear from me. Sorry, but that’s just the way it is.

And then I finally understood. I actually had an epiphany. I knew why he left me. I’m some leftover reminder of a “bad time” in his life. Not something he looks upon with a, “Well, at least we had WG,” attitude. He wanted to forget, and so he did.

And not of Santa’s bells, either. Of the keys to my shiny, new apartment. I signed the lease yesterday! Woohooo! And guess what? I wasn’t supposed to get the keys until the 28th, but they gave them to me and told me I could start moving in now. I got half a month’s rent for $80!!!!

Sometimes, life IS good

Just two more days until I sign the lease on my new apartment! I am so excited! Then we officially move on 11/28-30. I can’t wait!

I think I am going to paint. I didn’t paint my current apartment and I am so sick of beige walls. Blech. My bedroom is done (surprisingly not in pink) but in wine, black, and silver. I am trying to decide if I want to stay in that color scheme. My big, beautiful wrought iron bed does not lend itself to pastels or wimpy decor.

Sosososososososos excited!!!