I am all about employee recognition. Nine times out of ten, employees do not get enough pats on the back. I know from personal experience. I’ve worked enough thankless jobs to be an expert on the subject.

But I digress.

What I do not agree with is when employee recognition is not given fairly. I’m an all-or-nothing kind of girl. You either pat all employees on the back equal or you are playing favorites.

So the customer service department here has started this recognition program for its employees. The program has a really cheesy name, but for the purposes of anonymity, I’ll call it the “Reaping the Benefits” program (equally cheesy, I know).

Every time one of the CS employees does something that management deems as special, they earn a “Reap the Benefit” reward, which consists of a gift card to some kind of chair store (Starbucks, Borders, etc.) and then comes the part that makes me wanna vomit. An email is sent to every single employee in the company, which details what wonderful thing this employee did. A real example is below, names have been changed.

When I go to conferences and meet with clients, I often ask them how we are doing with helping them successfully use our applications and services. I also get unsolicited comments and thank yous. At the conference in September, one of our most challenging clients came up to me thanking me for all the help that we provided to her and her team in bringing up a new property on PRODUCT NAME. For some context, in all my previous interactions with this customer, I had not heard a single positive comment. Let me give you more of the details behind this turn around in the customer’s attitude towards us.

CS REP’s first day of work was just twelve weeks ago and already he began making a difference in serving our clients’ needs. It was Friday September 20th and everyone had left the office with the exception of CS REP and CS REP. COMPANY NAME was unsuccessfully trying to set up a new company and experiencing significant difficulty. They were trying to import their most recent setup spreadsheet into PRODUCT NAME and kept getting an error message that indicated they were over their unit count. CS REP and CS REP correctly diagnosed that they needed to clear out the Company data so as to properly input the spreadsheet without the unit count error. CS REP and CS REP then helped COMPANY NAME to purge the computer of all PRODUCT NAME data and successfully import the spreadsheet data. They also identified and corrected the ultimate source of the problem – the registration keys that were for COMPANY NAME corporate site rather than the new company that they were trying to create.

Thanks to both CS REP and CS REP for working with COMPANY NAME to get things in order. You stayed with the customer until they were successful! It was not an easy issue and one that you didn’t give up on – staying at the office until after 7PM on a Friday night. Your efforts certainly left a sweet taste in the customer’s mouth – creating the accurate perception that we were committed to their success. Please enjoy your well deserved RETARDED REWARD PROGRAM NAME.

What the fuck do I need to read all that bullshit for? Way to go at DOING YOUR JOB, guys! These emails are SO nauseating. SOOOO nauseating. I want to walk over to the guy that writes these emails office and vomit in his doorway.

If you think you detect a bit of jealousy, you’re right. Because I bust my ass every single day I come in the door and is anybody singing my praises in an email. NO.

Personally, I’d be embarrassed if an email like that was sent out about me, but still. I deserve recognition. And this is disheartening and unfair to those of us who are never, ever going to get any kind of recognition.

Bunch of fucking blood sucks, I swear to the gods.