Me and my hair. We have such a love/hate relationship. When I was a little girl, I had the most beautiful, glossy black hair. People would stop and comment on what beautiful hair I had and what a lovely little girl I was. See? I have proof!

But then something happened and my hair decided it hated me. It decided right around puberty to look like I never brush it, to curl in this weird way that defies straighting irons and curling mechanisms, to change from my beautiful, glossy black to this strange, washed-out charcoal color. And now, as I approach 30 (one month from today, people. ONE MONTH!) the grey is creeping in. Actually it’s not grey, it’s absolutely snow white.

So, I’ve been coloring my hair. Trying to beat back the grey and the unruliness with all manner of styling products and hot instruments of torture. My hair decided to retaliate. Its ends splitting in a million directions, falling out in big clumps, and growing at an alarming rate. My hair’s best trick method of rebellion has been with the coloring, though. I try blonde, it turns red. I try brown, it turns red. I try red, it turns purple. Finally, all I wanted was a nice, soft brown that would hide the grey so I can stop pulling it out (haha, take that you little buggers!).

I shuffled into my local Sally’s and say to the diminutive clerk, “Please. Anything but red. All I want is brown.” She nodded and led me to the display of Mega Browns™. So, I picked the darkest brown available. The color was called “Coffee.” Coffee is good, yes? No way to get RED from Coffee. And it would most definitely cover the grey and the Cream of Tomato Soup color my hair had decided to bestow upon me.

So, thinking I had the upper hand in the War with My Hair™, I came home and slathered on the dye. I even let it sit on my hair longer than the normal amount of time, making sure it was all soaked in. I washed and washed it when the time came. I put a special conditioning packet on my hair to stave off any attempts The Hair might make to split and break. I was sure I had won the never-ending battle.

And then I dried my hair and this is what I saw.

Purple and red. Not one or the other, not the color the bottle said, but PURPLE and RED.

The Hair – 1
WG – 0

I’ve lost my sparkle. I don’t know what’s happened to me, but my sparkle is definitely gone. I am starting to hate my job. I never wanted to do this kind of writing and now the weight of having done it for almost a year nearly sinks me. I am grateful to have a job and one where I am thought well of, but my heart’s not in it anymore. I want to work in publishing, surrounded by books, but I still cannot land that kind of position. And if I stay in technical writing much longer, I am going to be stuck here permanently. Tech writers are really looked down upon by the publishing industry. My problem is the area I live in. I keep applying for jobs in other locales, but they don’t hire me because I would need to re-locate. But I can’t afford to re-locate without the job!!!

I’ve lost interest in most of the people in my life, too. I’ve pulled away from most of the people in my life. It’s like I am folding in on myself and pushing those who care about me away. And forget about dating. I don’t even put myself out there.
I feel like I’ve lost me. The thing, the sparkle/sense-of-humor/essence/spirit, whatever you want to call it, I’ve lost it and I have no idea how to get it back.

Get Crafty, Consumators! Show us something you made with your own hands.

Vote for me at Consumating!

On what do you spend too much money?

Drugs, duh.

(From Consumating)