Spell-bound.Net

• I just blogged! Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-02-21 http://bit.ly/a4jV4K #
• @Goddess___ Blessed be! in reply to Goddess___ #
• @joyunexpected he is warm for your form! in reply to joyunexpected #
• @jordanknight Since you have time to kill, could I get a birthday shout out? A girl only turns 33 once in reply to jordanknight #
• @DonnieWahlberg Let's celebrate life! Tomorrow's my birthday. How about some birthday love?? in reply to DonnieWahlberg #
• Happy birthday to me, I turned 33, everyone make with the birthday shout ouuuuuuuts, 'cause that's what I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed! #
• @DonnieWahlberg It's my birthday today. It'd make my entire day to get a birthday shout out in reply to DonnieWahlberg #

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• I just blogged! Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-02-14 http://bit.ly/9PZwmV #
• This week has been a whore + a bitch SQUARED. SQUARED y'all! #
• @DonnieWahlberg Have I told you lately that you make me smile on a regular basis? in reply to DonnieWahlberg #
• @JonathanRKnight I could go for some trans fats! in reply to JonathanRKnight #
• @TheWriteWoman Curling? Please be joking. in reply to TheWriteWoman #
• @TheWriteWoman It's like golf and hockey had a much more boring and less violent baby. in reply to TheWriteWoman #
• Skechers' apparently hates feet and wants to see them die. Ouch. #newshoes #
• I'm pretty sure I have a girl crush on Katy Perry. She's very 40's Pinup Girl. RAWR! #
• @jordanknight YAY! You tweeted! in reply to jordanknight #
• @jordanknight Get me! Get me!! in reply to jordanknight #
• @jordanknight I don't get to go *hangs head* in reply to jordanknight #
• @Zak_Bagans I agree! in reply to Zak_Bagans #
• @jordanknight I have a question. Will I ever get a tweet or a follow from you? Would it help if I told you my birthday is in a few days?? in reply to jordanknight #
• @sabrinafaire LMAO! in reply to sabrinafaire #
• @jordanknight Night! in reply to jordanknight #
• @MamaCassie rebels? bin Laden? That dude on the t-shirts…Che whatever his name is…k, I'm out. in reply to MamaCassie #

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• I just blogged! Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-02-07 http://bit.ly/cY1FJv #
• @jordanknight *Sends virtual chicken soup* in reply to jordanknight #
• What am I doing? Moving into my new apartment! #
• @jordanknight snow rabbit? in reply to jordanknight #
• Am I the only one who doesn't give a shit about the #olympics ? #
• @DonnieWahlberg Ddub, will you be my valentine? in reply to DonnieWahlberg #

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• I just blogged! Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-01-31 http://bit.ly/aLDgE2 #
• @DonnieWahlberg Does that mean there will be a new tour? Please say yes in reply to DonnieWahlberg #
• @JonathanRKnight what are you giving him? http://www.okmagazine.com/2010/02/the-new-kids-visit-the-ok-block/jordan-jonathan-knight-feb-1/ in reply to JonathanRKnight #
• @JonathanRKnight And why does he look like you just offered him crack? in reply to JonathanRKnight #
• @DonnieWahlberg *afternoon humps* in reply to DonnieWahlberg #
• @jordanknight Good morning! in reply to jordanknight #
• @DonnieWahlberg I'm trying to see you too! Trying to see you tweeting me! LOL in reply to DonnieWahlberg #
• Wooooohoooo! Friday night! #
• Where's a good place to stay in Vegas that doesn't cost a fortune? I was planning on staying at The Tangiers until I found out its not real! #
• Thanks a lot CSI! #
• @sabrinafaire Thanks sweetie in reply to sabrinafaire #

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• I just blogged! Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-01-24 http://bit.ly/91mIk0 #
• @TheWriteWoman What recall? in reply to TheWriteWoman #
• @TheWriteWoman Thankfully, my year is not under recall! in reply to TheWriteWoman #
• @tenthmuse Butternut squash ravioli! in reply to tenthmuse #
• This day has kicked my ass and taken my name. I need a drink. #
• The #iPad??? Bahahaha! Next will be the iTampon followed by iDouche. #
• RT @jodipicoult: RIP J.D. Salinger #
• @NKOTB @LateNightJimmy Fav NKOTB songs: Single, Click Click Click, and Hangin Tough! in reply to NKOTB #
• @MamaCassie #iloveyouanyway in reply to MamaCassie #

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• I just blogged! Just to be Clear, You Can Suck It http://bit.ly/5JN5fy #
• My shirt has decided to flash the girls to everyone this morning. No matter how I adjust, there's boobage showing. #
• @DonnieWahlberg That was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you. in reply to DonnieWahlberg #
• @jordanknight good morning! in reply to jordanknight #
• @jordanknight looks pretty good to me. in reply to jordanknight #
• @erikarenee I loved "Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge," "Mask of the Red Death," and "Rappaccini"s Daughter," in reply to erikarenee #

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I’m moving. Again. This will make my third move in three years, one of which was a cross country move. Why? Oh, I’ll tell you why.

When I got my job offer in Denver, I had two weeks to find an apartment and move from Cincinnati before I started working. There wasn’t time or money to come and investigate apartments before the actual move, and I didn’t want to waste money on a motel once we got here, so I used my friend the Internets to find my present apartment.

The pictures and description were fabulous. I was totally convinced I had found my dream apartment. And then we actually got here.

I knew things were not all bliss as soon as we got here. After signing the lease and locating my apartment, I nearly drove over a drunk man who was stumbling down the middle of the road. We got inside the apartment and the floor plan was adorable and that seemed all good.

But we didn’t have any hot water. No biggie, right? Just call maintenance and they’ll come light the pilot light or whatever, and they did. Within that first week, I called three times about no hot water.

On my first day of work, I walked out the apartment’s front door to find the courtyard riddled with empty vodka bottles. Those were later followed by beer cans and condoms. My courtyard looked like a frat party threw up on it.

There was also a plethora of noisy neighbors, none of which appeared to have a job because the cars in the parking lot never moved.

And then the water heater became more of a problem. The frequency at which we had no hot water was alarming. It was a crap shoot as to whether or not there would be hot water to shower with in the mornings. The maintenance crew was receiving daily calls about the water problem, and I was not about to start heating water on the stove and lugging it to the bathroom. This is not Little Apartment on the Prairie and I am not Laura Ingalls.

But the water heater had saved the best for last. It started flooding my sister’s bedroom. How this was accomplished since the water heater is outside was particularly confounding.

We moved in in March. It was late May before the property management company finally got a new water heater and installed it. My irate call to the district manager could have had something to do with the new water heater. I know a thing or two about apartment/property management law. They had given me ample legal reason to break my lease. And I would have if I had had the money to move.

So fast forward to two weeks ago. I knew the lease was set to expire in mid-March and that I would be getting the renewal notice soon. As much as I hate the noise, the drunks, the shoddy care, the gates that keep out exactly no one, and the college boys next door with the gigantic hookah, to save money I was willing to stay on another year. It pained me, but I was willing to do it.

Then the renewal notice came. The property management company hit us with a $200 per month increase.

*Insert very long pause*

Are you fucking kidding me? I loathe this place. I was prepared to argue whatever increase we received based on how much this place sucks. I was expecting a normal increase, like $40 per month. Not five years worth of increases all at once! Plus, I wouldn’t pay that kind of increase on an apartment I love, let alone this hole. They can suck it.

So, I’m moving. *Sigh* We looked at places over the weekend and think we found the place we are moving. It’s across the street from work, which rules. All kinds of amenities.

I hope we are approved and then can stay put for awhile. I am exhausted.

I blogged and updated my site design all within a few days of each other. Someone stop the insanity!

Dear Lane Bryant,

Normally, I would keep quiet about your appalling sense of Big Girl fashion, but I am afraid you’ve gone too far this time. My new catalog arrived in the mail today, and draped across the cover was a gigantic fur coat.

Why? What were you thinking? Precisely, what is wrong with your designers?

It may come as a shock to you, but a 400 pound fur coat should not be wrapped around any girl that comes close to weighing that much herself. I would forgive this faux paux, but you’ve made quite a few.

Two years ago, you sold a sparkly silver lame dress, thus ensuring that any Big Girl that put it on would look like a walking, talking baked potato.

A year before that, you sold pleather pants. PLEATHER PANTS!? Do you know what it looks like when a size 24 girl squeezes into pleather pants? I’ll tell you, it looks like two rhinos fighting under a blanket! I had the misfortune of witness a Big Girl in said pants, and it was frightening! The seams looked like they were hanging on for dear life!

Why? Why would you do this to us? Don’t we have enough problems without you presenting the worst fashion choices possible??

I beg you, from a Big Girl, please reconsider hiring thin girls to design Big Girl fashions.

The fur and the pleather thanks you, as well.

XoXoX,

Me