Spell-bound.Net

Spreading Her Own Special Brand of Magic

Mar 7

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Category: Junk Drawer

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Feb 28

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Feb 21

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Feb 14

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Feb 7

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-02-07

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Jan 31

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Jan 24

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Jan 18

Just to be Clear, You Can Suck It

Category: About a Girl

I’m moving. Again. This will make my third move in three years, one of which was a cross country move. Why? Oh, I’ll tell you why.

When I got my job offer in Denver, I had two weeks to find an apartment and move from Cincinnati before I started working. There wasn’t time or money to come and investigate apartments before the actual move, and I didn’t want to waste money on a motel once we got here, so I used my friend the Internets to find my present apartment.

The pictures and description were fabulous. I was totally convinced I had found my dream apartment. And then we actually got here.

I knew things were not all bliss as soon as we got here. After signing the lease and locating my apartment, I nearly drove over a drunk man who was stumbling down the middle of the road. We got inside the apartment and the floor plan was adorable and that seemed all good.

But we didn’t have any hot water. No biggie, right? Just call maintenance and they’ll come light the pilot light or whatever, and they did. Within that first week, I called three times about no hot water.

On my first day of work, I walked out the apartment’s front door to find the courtyard riddled with empty vodka bottles. Those were later followed by beer cans and condoms. My courtyard looked like a frat party threw up on it.

There was also a plethora of noisy neighbors, none of which appeared to have a job because the cars in the parking lot never moved.

And then the water heater became more of a problem. The frequency at which we had no hot water was alarming. It was a crap shoot as to whether or not there would be hot water to shower with in the mornings. The maintenance crew was receiving daily calls about the water problem, and I was not about to start heating water on the stove and lugging it to the bathroom. This is not Little Apartment on the Prairie and I am not Laura Ingalls.

But the water heater had saved the best for last. It started flooding my sister’s bedroom. How this was accomplished since the water heater is outside was particularly confounding.

We moved in in March. It was late May before the property management company finally got a new water heater and installed it. My irate call to the district manager could have had something to do with the new water heater. I know a thing or two about apartment/property management law. They had given me ample legal reason to break my lease. And I would have if I had had the money to move.

So fast forward to two weeks ago. I knew the lease was set to expire in mid-March and that I would be getting the renewal notice soon. As much as I hate the noise, the drunks, the shoddy care, the gates that keep out exactly no one, and the college boys next door with the gigantic hookah, to save money I was willing to stay on another year. It pained me, but I was willing to do it.

Then the renewal notice came. The property management company hit us with a $200 per month increase.

*Insert very long pause*

Are you fucking kidding me? I loathe this place. I was prepared to argue whatever increase we received based on how much this place sucks. I was expecting a normal increase, like $40 per month. Not five years worth of increases all at once! Plus, I wouldn’t pay that kind of increase on an apartment I love, let alone this hole. They can suck it.

So, I’m moving. *Sigh* We looked at places over the weekend and think we found the place we are moving. It’s across the street from work, which rules. All kinds of amenities.

I hope we are approved and then can stay put for awhile. I am exhausted.

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Jan 6

Someone Stop Me!

I blogged and updated my site design all within a few days of each other. Someone stop the insanity!

:)

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Jan 4

What is Wrong With YOU??

Dear Lane Bryant,

Normally, I would keep quiet about your appalling sense of Big Girl fashion, but I am afraid you’ve gone too far this time. My new catalog arrived in the mail today, and draped across the cover was a gigantic fur coat.

Why? What were you thinking? Precisely, what is wrong with your designers?

It may come as a shock to you, but a 400 pound fur coat should not be wrapped around any girl that comes close to weighing that much herself. I would forgive this faux paux, but you’ve made quite a few.

Two years ago, you sold a sparkly silver lame dress, thus ensuring that any Big Girl that put it on would look like a walking, talking baked potato.

A year before that, you sold pleather pants. PLEATHER PANTS!? Do you know what it looks like when a size 24 girl squeezes into pleather pants? I’ll tell you, it looks like two rhinos fighting under a blanket! I had the misfortune of witness a Big Girl in said pants, and it was frightening! The seams looked like they were hanging on for dear life!

Why? Why would you do this to us? Don’t we have enough problems without you presenting the worst fashion choices possible??

I beg you, from a Big Girl, please reconsider hiring thin girls to design Big Girl fashions.

The fur and the pleather thanks you, as well.

XoXoX,

Me

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